"Do you make your own electricity on board?"
"Why can't I get cable stations?"
"Are you the Captain?"
"Do you actually live on this ship?"
"Do these stairs go up or down?"
"Does the crew sleep on board?"
"Could you call the captain to stop the waves? I am getting seasick."
"I just saw the Captain in the dining room. Who is steering the ship?"
"Is the water in the toilets salty or fresh?"
"What time does the midnight buffet start?"
"What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"
"So what is the elevation here?" -- On an Alaskan cruise.
"Why can't I find a USPC post box in town?" -- In Ocho Rios, Jamaica.
"I want to change cabins! I paid good money for this cruise, and all I can see is a rusted crane in the harbor!" -- Asked before leaving port.
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