Kid Quotes

Quick Quotations:

"I'm being haive!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother told him told to behave

"TNT." -- Given as an answer for a written spelling bee, when the teacher called the word "dynamite."

"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!" -- 8 year old son.

"Oh, well Mom said all I had to use was the sponge and dish detergent." -- 12 year old daughter, when her father told her he used elbow grease to get the dishes clean

"Why don't you get some expensive money?" -- 3 year old daughter, when told by her mother that she could get a small toy but that the ones asked for were too expensive

"There's no one in there." -- 6 year old son, in response to seeing his father hanging pictures and tapping on the walls to find the support beams.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom." -- 3 year old son, when his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens

"They didn't see it -- it was all cut off!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new haircut

"Tell me when you're asleep, ok?" -- 7 year old son, overheard talking to his 5 year old brother.

"Well you're old, and you're not dead." -- "3 year old son, to his father. The comment followed an explanation of why the father's grandparents weren't around anymore.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal." -- A young son, examining the contents of a box of Animal Crackers

"Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet." -- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

"I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers." -- 6 year old girl, upon seeing flowers in a cemetery.

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email." -- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer

"I didn't look much -- I've only got little eyes!" -- 7 year old, about to be scolded for peeking at her Christmas presents.

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I Feel So Old:

"This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!" -- On first seeing a record.

"You know those big CDs?" -- High school student describing a record.

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Kid Stories:

The other day my five year old grandson was lounging on my lap.

Him: "Poppop, you have hair in your nose."
Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"
I declined the offer.

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

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A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."