Church Bulletins

◦"Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."

◦"Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."

◦"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

◦"O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."

◦"Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."

◦"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

◦"The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin
of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."

◦"Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."

◦"This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."

◦"This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

◦"There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."

◦"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."

◦"Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure."

◦"Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

◦"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

◦"The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'"

◦"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

◦"The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict."

◦"Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

◦"The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"

◦"Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

◦"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."

◦"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility."

◦"Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch."

◦"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."

◦"Women's S.E.W. (Stitching and Encouraging Women)"

◦"He came down and saved my soup."

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Church Anecdote:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"