Warning Labels

Warning Labels

Manufacturers of consumer products have to be liberal with the warning labels these days, lest they get sued. But for these, it's hard to know whether the company is being outright stupid or if they're simply targeting the most brain dead dumb among us.

Product Warnings:

* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

* "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

* "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

* "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

* "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

* "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

* "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."

* "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

* "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

* "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

* "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

* "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

* "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

* "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

* "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

* "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

* "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

* "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

* "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

* "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

* "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

* "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

* "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

* "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

* "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

* "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

* "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

* "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

* "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

* "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

* "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

* "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

* "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

* "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

* "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

* "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

* "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

* "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

* "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.


Assurances:

* "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.


Small Print From Commercials:

* "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

* "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

* "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

* "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.


Signs and Notices:

* "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

* "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

* "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.

* "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

* "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

* "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos.

* "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

* "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

* "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

* "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.


Safety Procedures:


* "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

* "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.


Ingredients:

* "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

* "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

* "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
Materials:
Covering: 100% Unknown.
Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
-- On a pillow.

* "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette.

Instructions:

* "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

* "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

* "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

* "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

* "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

* "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

* "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

* "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

* "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

* "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

* "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.

* "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box. [New!]

Requirements:


* "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.